“Tonight is the night I make a confession. There will be no juicy parts, nothing to gossip about. Most of you already know and/or heard rumors and I am hear to confirm them.
This confession is out here to help anyone that may need it, especially someone who is going through the Hell I have been through and made it back from.
I am here as long as I live and willing to reach out and help anyone willing to ask for help. I may be the Light you need to the path from the darkened place you are now.
I am a former Crack Addict. I am not ashamed nor am I proud of it. I smoked crack for many, many years. I take that back. Crack smoked me. I started as a casual smoker. Years later, I realized I was a smoker of crack. Eventually, I came to myself as an addict.
The very first time I ever smoked crack, it was free base. I got a headache behind it and swore I would never smoke it again. I lied. I won’t go into detail as to how I again tried it, because it involves others who I will not involve in my story. I will not share names. I can barely remember dates anyway, because of a mental block that happened back so long ago in my life.
Anyway, at this point, I had stopped smoking marijuana for some time by the time I experimented with crack cocaine again. But I pick up the marijuana again to sprinkle the cocaine on. I still had the marijuana high, but the taste of the cocaine was good. So, I did the marijuana for a bit, but stopped again. Marijuana stays in your system to long. I could not risk it with a job.
I was running a small company, doing the books and all. I have always been the type of worker that was proud of the work I do. I give 110%. My secretary, I found out smoked it and I had her purchase some, she fixed me a cigarette, I went to the bathroom and smoked it.
I liked it. It was on. The beginning of the End.
********THE RIDE TO HELL AND BACK********
The company started a hostile takeover…I was asked to stay, but I have loyalties, too. I was working out of town. The takeover was going to put some out of work and I felt, I had no insurance to keep me there….I could be fired on-the-spot just like the workers I knew was getting it. I cried that day and let them know I was finished. My husband was stable in his career.
I became a mother, and crack smoker. Found another job. Mother, worked, crack. Vicious cycle.
This went on for years. I became a grandmother, still smoking. I would go buy crack, stop at a stop sign, have my cigarette ready, crush the rock up and suck it up the cigarette. A couple of times, my conscience of something would say look in the rearview mirror. I look up and lo and behold a police car would be right behind me. WOW! Not once or twice did this happen.
I remember the first day I went to the glass pipe.
**********I WOULD NEVER WISH THIS ON MY WORST ENEMY*******
CRACK COCAINE IS THE DEVIL HIMSELF.
I have seen people beat. Hurt….Me never touched.
This went on for years and years and years…..
I shamed my children, I stole time and money from the family. I went to rehab.
Later years near the end I have gotten out of my bed at night and got in my car, praying all the way for the Lord to please give me the Strength to turn around and go back home. I have drove to a crack house praying for the Strength to turn around and go home or just be at home and pray Not to go at all. But it did not work.
I continued to Thank God every day I awoke. I continued to pray and hard extra hard for me. But all the time, I also saying I love the taste of this shit and I aint about to give it up.
Trying to serve two masters wasn’t hitting it. My husband LOVED me. So much and I was Hurting the hell out of him. I was literally watching me Hurt him and I could not stop it.
Not at ALL.
I hurt him until I could not hurt him any more and I left and went to Indiana.
But I had to come back. I came back. I stayed there about a year or so. I was found to have an aneurysm while I was there. But then it could not be found again. My husband supported me there too. Visiting, sending support.
I moved back home. I still had not kicked the habit….it had me and it had me baddddd.
************THE END OF THE END********
I moved back home to Saginaw. I have been back for about 9 years now. It was 4 years ago, I had my first brain aneurysm surgery around this time. I had a stroke just before the surgery. Would you believe that it took me almost two weeks in the hospital not to mention the time I spent in neurology ICU and I got home just before Christmas, I could not even sit up and stay up to eat and be with the family, open presents, they sat me in a chair opened my presents, I don’t remember them to this day, and New Year’s Eve rolls around and I wanted a piece of crack. My right eye stayed closed for almost a year. I had a constant headache until February after the surgery.
I remember praying that day before I went to my doctor an Awesome Physician, who was seeing me two to three time a week after that awful surgery (My husband would call and she would tell him to bring me in right then ). That day I prayed and that pain went away, right as I prayed.
Never forget it.
Well now it has been almost 4 years, since I fought my way back from Hell with the help of the Lord Jesus and my family. My Husband deserves the Praise, Respect and Honor of being called a True Man. He stuck to his Vows. We are Happy. Sooo Very, Very, Very Happy.
This is why I always say and continue to say I would be jailed for anyone disrespecting him, even during those days in hell. We talk about them sometimes and one day he said “how would he know if I let someone disrespect him” I told him because you would have been bailing me out of jail or seeing me in the hospital after I got beaten.
THERE IS HOPE FOR SOMEONE OUT IN THE WORLD LIKE ME. IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE AND THEY NEED HELP. I AM WILLING TO DO WHAT I CAN TO HELP THEM. THERE IS A LIGHT, THERE WAS ONE FOR ME, AND NOW I MUST BE ONE FOR SOMEONE ELSE……FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NOT KNOW, CRACK COCAINE IS THE DEVIL HIMSELF, AGAIN I WOULD NOT WISH IT ON MY WORST ENEMY…..THAT IS WALK THROUGH HELL THAT SOME WILL NOT MAKE IT BACK FROM…….”- By Felecia Johnson-Martin