There is something about sitting in a room just before a major surgery and having the Anesthesiologist say to you, ‘”I must inform you of the risk- that you may never wake up again”.
There is no greater test of one’s faith than at that very moment.
When life’s precious mortality confronts you and puts you in a sort of corner, it is truly a time where you cannot help but to evaluate your life.
I found that, away from the public, from any role I needed to play, any point I felt needed to made or proven, or any cause I felt needed to be fought, all I could think about was the relationships in my life.
When you find yourself in a position of physical helplessness, you definitely notice who loves you unconditionally versus those who perhaps only see you for what you add to their own goals.
There are some who cannot see you beyond their hangups or personal expectations of you, meaning how you can meet their needs.
You see it in the reality of who is or isn’t beside you at that very moment life’s precious mortality causes you to pause beyond your control.
Those who love you unconditionally are often the ones you least expect to be there, but tend to be the ones we most take for granted. They are ones who do the little things only someone who deeply cares would even bother with.
There is no one I could think of that I took for granted more than God, even as I know I have served diligently and sincerely.
Sometimes, it is so easy, however, to serve based upon the demands made on us by others – in the sincerity of our hearts- rather than according to the call of God in our lives.
I knew, going into surgery, that eternal existence with God was assured to me, so I had no anxiety about that.
Nevertheless, as I find myself unable to eat, dress, bath or even use the bathroom without assistance from several specialty and skilled nurses, it is a very serious reminder of my need of depending on God above all, as there are not a lot of folks beating your doors down to stand with you when you are at this point.
It is also a crushing blow to one’s mortal ego and perhaps a necessary tool to humble one who could so easily rest upon his own intellect and will to fight.
It is a reminder to do my best to never take my loved ones and true friends for granted.
Most of all, not to take God for granted.
Applause from man may come from many directions for many purposes, but it never matters in your deepest moments of need.
It is the love relationships that will matter.
I don’t know if this is “flowing”, as my mind has much on it.
All I know is that I am thanking the Lord for the gift of life, love, family and true friendship.
I thank the Lord for His faithfulness and mercy, even though – out of the sincerity of my heart- I am certain I have pursued demands that came from man more so than based upon His call on my life at times.
God is good!